Not a popular statement, but coming from a loving place I will allow myself to call it by its true name. Stay with me to the end please.

I will begin by saying, it's not shameful or wrong to watch porn. But as with everything in life, consequences will always follow our actions and choices.

Cultivating our heart center, and thereby enhancing our ability to feel empathy, is the central point in tantra. Pornography is most of the time created by men, for profit, which alone is made to hook up men, based on their sexual urges, and from the lowest level of thought and the least effort, where men aren't challenged or asked to invest anything emotionally, and this will come with a cost. Just like fast food tempts you with salt, fat and sugar, but it is a killer to your good health, and it pollutes the channel to your heart and soul.

Usually pornography subtly tells the story of women as an object. To use and throw away. Materialistic sexuality, and if you follow that principle just a bit further down the line, you will find that it's connected to satanic view of life (ultra materialistic), where the idea is to completely cut the connection to our heart and feelings, and only the lowest and darkest urges are left; arrogance, exploitation, carelessness and instant gratification.

In pornography there is nothing about how women's sexuality really works, this subject is completely neglected. Its a huge repressed subject in the collective, to such an extend, that a lot of women even don't understand their own sexuality, or they have just given up to the degree that it has become the norm to imitate orgasms while having sex with their boyfriend, because the task to be met and understood by a guy who has been raised by porn is unmanageable. The tendency is that sensitivity in sex is tabu, while carelessness, detachment and coolness is thumbs up.  

Women's sexuality is naturally tantric: Women need a lot of time, they need to connect emotionally and feel emotionally secure to really open up to their sexual desires and "let the juices flow". Once they have opened up they can keep going for days, in the right hands. But very few men know how to open up a woman. A lot of men think they do, by approaching her as a dashboard, where they try to push the right buttons to get the reaction they have seen on film: Performance sex. The man often  approaches the woman from a mental and emotionally detached place. And the woman tricks him by doing exactly what he expects from her, which brushes his ego. While she is left unfulfilled and alone. Men, and sometimes even women too, are not aware of womens true sexual nature and needs. That's the sad truth. And too many men are too disconnectet to their emotions to feel what is really going on.

Men need to follow women's sexuality. And not the other way round. Why?

Because a man will become a far better version of himself through tantra and feminine sexuality: He will become deeper sexually and emotional satisfied, and he can now experience himself as a man who actually takes care of his women (instead of being the man who is using her). He will gain selfrespect. He will develop an amazing relationship with his woman, she will respect him and forever be grateful to him, because he is rare. She will let her walls down and become more soft, feminine and devoted towards him, because she feels emotionally seen and safe, thereby she will also become more attractive for him. And they will create a deep, intimate and beautiful bond, in mutual love, harmony and respect.  

When a man give in to a more nurturing, emotional connecting, and tantric sexuality in this way, and trust has been built in the relationship, then the roles can shift, and the man can begin to take the lead; sex can now play out the more masculine way once in a while, as it will feels right for both, because the woman and the man now are aligned with each other.  

So it is allowed to have crazy animalistic sex! But I think most people will experience that if this is the only or primary way of having sex, the energy will burn out at a certain point, which will cause problems for the relationship. The excitement will slowly go downhill, because it will take more and more, to keep up with the same level of impact one gets from the sexual act, when the sexual interaction primarily is based on physical stimulation. It will end with boredom, insensitivity and sexual crisis. Furthermore, as I have mentioned before, the man won't be able to get the woman aligned with him just by increasing the level of stimulation. A combination of tantra/feminine sex and animalistic sex/masculine sex is best, but tantra should be the primary way: The approach to sex you begin your relationship with, and the way you have sex most of the time through the relationship, if the relationship and the sexual life is meant to survive, and if both shall remain satisfied in the relationship for the long haul.  

When a woman feels forced to fit into the man's sexuality, the following will usually happen: She shuts down, she will loose her interest in having sex (because it doesn't turn most women on not to feel seen), she becomes bitter and builds up anger towards him, maybe even without she is completely aware why. The relationship becomes disharmonious and filled with drama and conflicts. She will shut down her sexual energy, and he gives into porn. And gradually he becomes a worse version of himself: More distant, more careless and more emotional disconnectet. Walls are build between them.  

It takes practice, effort, healing and awareness to become a good man. It takes practice, healing and awareness to become a good woman. It is demanding to become a good person. Every act and thought is our investment in a certain direction. And it is always up to us where we invest our energy.  

We attract our relationships from our energy.  

It is not other peoples fault. Spirituality and tantra us about taking responsibility for our own life. When we allow ourselves to lower our vibration, then we will attract similar energy in a partner. If we keep attracting an unwanted type of character in the opposite sex, then we can be certain there are issues within us that need to be looked at and worked with. Victims don´t truly exist, because we are powerful creators in our own life. Nobody has said it´s easy. A life lived in awareness is certainly not easy, but it is beautiful. But do we choose love? Or do we choose unconsciousness, carelessness, victim mentality and everything that comes with it? The choice is ours.  

But if I am a man, watch porn, and think it works great for me ?  

If it works for you, then everything is fine. Or is it? With danger of repeating myself, it's my experience that porn pulls men in the opposite direction of where most women are sexually. For that reason it gets more difficult for these men to meet women intimately, sexually and emotionally, because they have already encoded their subconscious mind. Therefore the emotional, intimate and sexual meeting between the two will be lacking and disconnectet for both (especially for her). The feeling of failure that follows can lead the man to reach even deeper into porn, for comfort, which neither boosts his masculine energy in a positive direction, nor strengthens his relationship with the opposite sex further. It will easily become an evil spiral. Women are psychic attuned by nature, and they will also pick up on how the man subtly views her, which she will react to, even though he is unaware of it himself. Porn creates an invisible wall between men and women.  

Also porn will not help the man to keep his erection, and open up to bigger orgasmic experiences, quite on the contrary. Women often dream about a lover who can keep his erection for hours (at the very least), because as I already mentioned, women need time in bed. Men miss out on a lot when they throw out their sexual energy through porn, instead of getting the full advantage of it.  

Porn is anti-masculine: Healthy masculinity is connected to responsible and loving leadership, using the power position and energy for higher service, strength, and the protection of women. Porn is abuse of masculine and feminine energy.  

Also, a man who chooses to use his sexual energy consciously, and transcend the energy into higher purposes, could achieve much more with his life. He could run marathons, build dream projects and complete his goals with greater ease. And not least, he will earn women's admiration and respect. But it will require focus and energy. How do you use your sexual energy?   But is it okay to choose a life with porn, if that is our wish?  It's a choice.  

If I am a man, watch porn, but want to stop. How do I shift into a healthy direction?  

To shut down, deny or shame will only make it worse, and it will only keep the pattern going, or come back even stronger, becoming a pattern of guild that spins in a circle. Just like if you are overweight and want to loose weight, but have an issue with having a strong desire for craving milk chocolate after 9 pm. Then this craving won't leave, just by us telling ourselves that we can't have it. In fact it will only make it worse. It's the elastic-band-effect.  

We do not move away from something by "walking away", we can only truly leave something behind by "walking towards" something else. In real life this means, as we gradually raise our vibration, by cultivating and activating our heart center, and heal ourselves (you can also contact me for help), then you will gradually experience that it will leave all on its own, without force, because you vibrate from another place. But we must handle the process with acceptance, and not judgment. When you are on the beginning stages, and if you "fall in", then be loving, understanding and forgiving. And allow yourself to experience it, now that this is the choice you have made. Watch your porn movie without judgment, be curious and be in your heart. Sooner or later you will transform your situation, if this is your true intention.  

We need to quit the cycles of shame and guild within us. And replace them with love, self love, awareness, acceptance and patience. And replace carelessness with inspired motivation. We must begin to feel our feelings and let vulnerability become our greatest strength. Meditation practice can be helpfull in this process.  

It is just like if we have nourished ourselves with McDonald's burgers all of our life, and now we are going to switch it into gourmet food: Healthy nourishing food with real taste. It's a big shift. It would of course have been much easier and better, had we been taught it from the beginning of our lives. Some men might reach the tipping point, when the soul begins to scream for something more meaningful, gradually they will feel the hollowness of their investments, and the desire to change direction will arrise within them. Yet most men will never reach this point.  

Many men weakens their masculine energy, hollow out their soul, and therefore also loose their selfrespect through consuming porn.  

All while women become more masculine, because good men who can fill out the masculine role in their lives, are missing. So now they have to pick up the task themselves: Pull the load alone, have children on their own, and found a family on their own. For this reason women, out of necessity, will become their own men. Of course there is also a lot of manipulation through media, where women are influenced to become more masculine.  

For most people, men and women, these are unconscious processes, because the influence from society and media makes it easy to buy into these patterns. It's allowed, it´s common, it's normal. Just dysfunctional. This is why I think it is important to wake up, become aware, and consciously choose ones own individual path in life, even though it will be radically different from mainstream influences. But someone needs to take the lead.  

A man cannot choose to be a victim, and simultaneously stand in his healthy masculine energy, those two paths cannot coexist. This is off course the same for women, they can't both choose victimhood and embody their healthy feminine energy. Therefore both sexes need to heal their inner wounds surrounding femininity and masculinity to overcome feelings of being a victim, in order to choose an empowered, healthy and balanced direction for themselves.  

Men need to know that their healthy masculine energy - that comes with leadership, willpower, drive and direction (and so much other amazing stuff), always coming from a place of love, empathy and respect, and is connectet from a higher place, not ruled by ego - is so wanted and missed. I have met a lot of men who hold themselves back because they tell themselves that women won't like it. But partly I believe they themselves have forgotten how healthy expression of masculinity looks like. And partly, there will always be haters, but who cares?

Porn is the lowest path, the easiest path, where nothing is at stake emotionally for the man. Through porn the man will hollow his masculinity gradually, and he will fall.  

Tantra is a demanding path. The highest path, which can heal us, open us up, nurture us in all the narrow alleyways within our psyche. It will contribute to create harmonious and deeply connecting relationships. And support us reaching our highest goals in life.